Through Everything
by Pepperminty
Summary: Grissom gets what he wants, but it might not be enough. Soft R to be on the safe side. Final Chapter up.
1. Default Chapter

_**Through Everything**_

**Author: **Pepperminty

**Rating: **R for sexual content and some language

**Disclaimer: **Nope, still don't own them, dag nam it.

**Pairing: **Grissom and Sara

**Spoilers:** I haven't seen Season 5, stupid TV station, so nothing from there, but anything in past seasons is fair game, and is probably alluded to somewhere.

**A/N: **The next chapter is written; just have to type it up, so it should be up in probably 2 days.

**Chapter 1**

Their first time together sucked. On a scale of one to ten, it was crap. No sparks, no magic, no fireworks. Just meaningless thrusting with no resulting pleasure. In fact, it was so bad that neither orgasmed, they didn't even get close, and after a few more minutes of awkward, experimental caresses and looking anywhere but each other, they stopped.

Neither quite knew who stopped first but they were both glad for it to be over. They lay side by side, not daring to touch, or even bear to look at each other. What followed after was not even in the same vicinity as awkward, it was so far and beyond that it deserved its own zip code.

'_Oh holy Jesus. I had no idea that it would be that horrible. Maybe I should of faked it, and given him a boost to his ego. Maybe he was waiting for me to come. But he didn't either. Oh God, this is so embarrassing.'_ She fought the urge to roll over and say "So, was it good for you too?" Her thoughts were running so fast through her head that she had no time to process fully what the hell had just happened. Her mind was predicting not only the forthcoming embarrassment, but glimpses of further embarrassments. '_What the hell were they supposed to do when they got back to work? Does he want to try again?' _Insecurities soon began to filter through in her mind._ 'Am I not pretty enough for him? Should I have been more responsive? Oh Christ, does he want me to leave? I bet he does, he is just too polite to say anything. God damn it, just talk to me for once you bastard! I wish I had my clothes in here. God where did I leave them? How the hell did I get myself in this mess? Maybe I'll just wait for him to fall asleep then I'll just quietly slip out and become ice queen Sara and we will never have to deal with this again. Oh yeah, that's the way Sara, I'll continue to live in that fantasy a little longer.'_ She hadn't moved since he had moved off of her, and neither had he. They couldn't lay here forever she decided '_One of us has to either say or do something, and since this is his house, I guess it will have to be me.'_ She attempted to casually and subtlety look at Grissom to see if he was asleep. What she found was disconcerting to say the least. He looked….stunned. _'Shit, what exactly is that supposed to mean?'_ she mused. _'This is way too complicated for a first time'_ This was the time to move, she was certain, whether he was asleep or not, she wasn't staying like this any longer. Picking up the top sheet to grasp any remaining dignity she had left she attempted to run as quietly and quickly out of his bedroom as fast as she could, not daring to steal a glance at him.

She slammed the door behind her as she left. He hadn't even looked up, wished her well, or even come out to see what she was doing. There go all those fantasies of Grissom she thought. Grissom the fantastic lover, smooth, suave, bringing her to orgasm over and over again. Grissom the tender boyfriend, serving her breakfast in bed, bunches of red roses. Okay that was far enough, she thought, stupid fantasies that were simply that, she had a first hand experience of that now. She slapped on sunglasses and sped all the way home.

**……………………………………………………………………………………………................................................**

Grissom sat stunned for an hour. He felt like everything was in fast forward and he wanted to back the hell up. What exactly had just happened? _'Okay number one Gil, you're talking to yourself again, but that can be dealt with later. Number two, you just slept with Sara…. Well, I wouldn't go that far' _he began to argue with himself. '_Sleeping with someone denotes a fulfilment, more specifically one person, hopefully two having an orgasm. Or at the very least achieve some kind of level of pleasure. I don't know what the hell that just was. How about the monumental nail in the coffin of mine and Sara's friendship, relationship? Hell, I doubt she'll ever talk to me again. Okay so I can't please her. Wow, that's some great fodder for my ever expanding male ego.'_ He had never considered himself any kind of Casanova with women, but in his day he had been able to at least please a woman to an extent. During it, Sara just looked…he didn't quite know how to place it. Surprised? Maybe it wasn't big enough, is that what she was surprised about? Perhaps she was trying to stop from laughing? By this time he felt he had analysed the situation far too much already and rolled over to at least perhaps watch her peacefully sleep, and decide what exactly he was going to do. Perhaps get one nice and peaceful moment out of this disaster. But she wasn't there. _'When the hell did she leave?' _He grabbed his robe and walked out to his living room, her clothes were gone. He picked up his, and retreated back into the bedroom. He could still smell her, but her side of the bed was cold, so she had been gone for a while. He hadn't even heard her leave. _'Jesus Gil, how could you not see her leave?'_ He glanced over to his alarm clock. _'Holy shit I've been sitting there for an hour?'_ He decided a shower was the course of action, that perfume was murder on his senses, all he could think about was her. 

The shower offered no resistance to his thoughts and he adjusted the settings down to a colder setting to numb his body. One question kept continually running through his mind that he could not answer, nor escape. He was obviously attracted to her. That became painfully obvious at times, his continual slip-ups he hoped she didn't notice. So he couldn't understand why. He had her, had everything, and something was wrong, it wasn't enough, for either of them. She must have been attracted to him, she pursued him. He didn't understand, and it frustrated him. He hated being frustrated. He tried to rid himself of her, scrub her away from his body, and erase the feelings of her hands on his body. But she remained there as always, lingering, haunting him.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Through Everything**_

**Author: **Pepperminty

**Rating: **R for sexual content and some language

**Disclaimer: **Nope, still don't own them, dag nam it.

**Pairing: **Grissom and Sara

**Spoilers:** I haven't seen Season 5, stupid TV station, so nothing from there, but anything in past seasons is fair game, and is probably alluded to somewhere.

**A/N: **Same as last, just requires typing so should be up soon.

**Chapter 2**

"**If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't, it never really was in the first place"- Anonymous**

Agonisingly, she waited. _'Maybe he decided not to come into work today'_ she suggested to herself. _'Yeah, like that would ever happen' _she chuckled _'I could just turn around and go home, call in sick .Then everyone would know something's wrong. Fuck it.'_ Her hands gripped the steering wheel even tighter as she turned on her Denali, and for the second time in two days sped all the way home.

She couldn't have been happier to be at home. This was her sanctuary, and everything felt better here. She dropped the cool metal keys out of her hand, and retrieved a bottle of water from her fridge. The cool liquid soothed her dry mouth as she went to retrieve her cell phone from her coat. She took a deep breath and dialled Grissom's cell phone number. She exhaled and ran over what she was going to say in her mind just one more time. '_Christ, are you going to pick up Grissom or what?'_

"Hi, you've reached Gil Grissom, leave me a message and I'll try and back to you as soon as I can"

"Hi…uh….Grissom. Um…Okay, I'm not feeling well tonight, so I can't come into work tonight, sorry about the late notice, but it has kind of come on quickly" she cringed at her words.

"Okay, thanks, uh Bye!" _'Wow Sara, smooth'._ She returned to her bedroom and collapsed onto her bed. She allowed the smooth material to lull her into sleep that had been evading all day.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

"Okay guys, Sara has called in sick, so we're one down tonight" Grissom spoke whilst pouring his mandatory coffee for the night in the break room.

"Whoa, hang on a minute there mister." Catherine interrupted him

"Sara called in sick? Dude something must be wrong" Warrick intoned.

"I never thought I'd see the day when Sara took a sickie"

"What did she say?"

"She left a message on my voice mail, said that she wasn't feeling well, and apologised, I'm sure nothing is seriously wrong, she has just probably got a cold." They looked disbelieving at him. "You've all got work to do. I'll be in my office if you need me. I've got stacks of paperwork bigger than me, so you're solo tonight."

His idea to delve into his work was disastrous. He managed to get absolutely no work done in the entire shift. The team's cases were fairly open and shut, so he graciously gave them the rest of the night off. They left, but not without some parting words,

"Hey Griss, are you sure Sara's okay? I mean, we're all worried about her."

"She is fine, rest assured. Will you leave me alone if I promise to go and check on her? I already gave you guys the rest of the night off." they nodded in response, and he ushered them out of his office. What he had he just done? Usually it wouldn't be that horrible to go and check on her, but she hadn't even come into work tonight. Does that mean she was too embarrassed to see him? _'That's it'_ he thought. He had had enough, they were sorting this out now. What had happened would not affect their work, that was the last thing he wanted.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

A knock on her door awoke her from her slumber. _'Just my luck'_ she thought _'the second I actually get some bloody sleep some drunken college kid will be looking for 'where de party's at!!!'_ She didn't even bother looking who it was and was so startled at who appeared at her door, she thought that she yelped.

"Hello"

"Hi….what are you doing here?"

"I was in the neighbourhood?" by the look in her eyes he knew she didn't buy it.

"Well considering you live almost on the other side of Vegas to me, I'm guessing that there is some reason for you to be here, and you're letting all the heat out of my apartment, so come in" she shuffled him in the door, taking his coat. _'How can she so easily touch me now? Her skin is so soft, I love the way her hands glide across my skin'_ her question broke him from his reverie.

"Did you want something to drink?"

"Uh…no thankyou" He felt like an alien in her exquisite home, it was all quintessentially

Sara, and he loved it. Warm, loving and utterly beautiful.

"So why are you here?" she questioned from her kitchen.

"Well, when I told the team you were sick and not coming into work, they were worried. So when I sent them all home, we had a slow night, they bugged me into making sure you were okay'

"I'm fine" she called

"Well, I'd best go then."

"Right"

"Okay"

"Good"

"Grissom" he looked up "for you too leave, movement is required".

"Oh" he glanced nervously around her apartment as she eyed him, _'what exactly is he doing?_ _Is he going to leave? That's it, I have had enough'._

"Grissom?"

"Yeah" she looked at him tersely.

"Alright. Fine. That's it then. Hate me if you want, okay, I'll avoid you, and we will be back to square one. But don't come around to my home, sending me mixed signals alright. Obviously you need more than I could give you Grissom" he flinched at her words, and this only spurred her on. "What Grissom was I not enough? That's it isn't it? What, you need something kinkier Grissom? You want me to beg for it? On my knees?" she spat at him

"Sara, stop" she was startled at what she had said and composed herself, and realised who it was she was talking, or more precisely, yelling at.

"Oh God Grissom, I'm… uh sorry, my mind has just been doing flips and I didn't know-"

"Wait" he interrupted her. "You think I hate you?" she sighed, her hands on her hips, this was the time. Where everything came to a head. This was it, she thought, me in my pyjamas, him tired from work, standing like duelling cowboys.

"If this is where it has to be, this is where it's going to be. Look Grissom it's the way you fucking act. _Every time_ you open up, you always retreat and then nothing." A throaty bitter laugh escaped her. "Prove me wrong Grissom….But you can't can you? You may have fooled yourself into thinking that you are attracted to me. Maybe even love me. But once you got a taste of it, you realised didn't you? Did you get scared? No…that's way too analytical. I'm just not enough for you anymore, the magical fantasy is gone. Either way, the outcome is the same so it doesn't matter. So I guess this has to be goodbye then."

She took a long breath, looked toward the floor. _'Let him go Sara, it's for the best. Let him go.' _ She moved toward him, moving her hand over his cheek. The conviction in her words was betrayed by the look in her eyes. Her lips met his cheek, and she whispered in his ear,

"Nothing changes, work colleges okay? It's best that no one knows about this. Um… Can you let yourself out?"

She pulled the courage to let go, and began to return to her bedroom. She felt she was free, when she heard him speak.

"Stay"

"I beg your pardon"

"Stay"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Through Everything**_

**Author: **Pepperminty

**Rating: **R for sexual content and some language

**Disclaimer: **Nope, still don't own them, dag nam it.

**Pairing: **Grissom and Sara

**Spoilers:** I haven't seen Season 5, stupid TV station, so nothing from there, but anything in past seasons is fair game, and is probably alluded to somewhere.

**A/N: **Thankyou to everyone that has read and reviewed my story, it has spurred me on to keep writing, so thankyou so much.

**Chapter 3**

"**Do you love me because I am beautiful? Or am I beautiful because you love me?"- Cinderella**

"I beg your pardon?"

"Stay"

"Hmm…you said that. Stay where?"

"With me"

"Okay…Griss, for this to be a functioning conversation; you need to give me a little more than 2 words okay?" he continued to stand there, shuffling nervously from one foot to another.

"Okay," she sighed "You" she said whilst pointing at him,

"Yes"

"Want me?"

"Uh-huh"

"To stay with you?" he nodded slowly. She rubbed her temples, wondering how exactly they had gotten themselves in this mess. It was so bloody difficult to get any emotion, let alone feelings out of him. She decided finally to call him on it; he had begun this little tete a tete.

"Okay, since this is obviously a one sided conversation, lets get the facts straight, shall we? You are standing there, looking, at best, annoyed, and asking me to stay. As much as I enjoy being treated with the same commands as a dog…" his eyes flared. "Sorry, nervous humour."

"I don't understand"

"What don't you understand?" he finally spoke

"Why you would want me to stay. I mean your attraction to me has obviously gone away. I mean if you couldn't, you know, with me, then why the hell would you want me? I'm pretty obviously not what you want, or not enough, I don't know I'm not you, but the fact remains, I'm not enough for you"

"You really have no idea how beautiful you are do you? Her eyes softened at his words, he moved toward her, taking his hands in hers. She stiffened, physical contact, was not exactly normal for them.

"My turn to talk" she pouted, and he chuckled in return. "I'm sorry about what happened, I guess I regret it actually. I regret that I couldn't give you what you needed, or what you wanted. I…guess, I was scared of you. I didn't think I could please you, and I guess… that turned out to be true" he added bitterly. She opened her mouth to speak

"No let me finish, I was just so intent, on reaching that fulfilment, trying to get it over and done with that what I thought turned into reality. I'm sorry I made you insecure, it was never my intention, I assure you. Christ I don't even know what my intentions were"

"You truly are the most wonderfully amazing woman I have ever met Sara. You've done something no one has been able to do for me in a long time. You make me feel Sara. So many wonderful things. Because of your smile, you make life more beautiful." She smiled

"Damnit." She spoke

"What?"

"How do you always know the right thing to say?"

"Let's just say I have good inspiration" he lowered his lips to hers, a questioning look in his eyes, only to meet a pleading one in hers.

She smiled all the way through the kiss, the way he was so gentle this time. Asking permission, seeking her pleasure rather than taking it. When she motioned to the bedroom, she recognised the look of fear in them,

"Hey…" she soothed, stroking his cheek. She pulled his hand to her breast,

"You feel this?" she met his eyes, "Come on" she tugged his hand to the bedroom.

This time wasn't about completion, it was just, beautiful. Showing her how he loved her body, the goddess that she was. Taking his time, to feel every curve, setting her body on fire. She in turn, couldn't keep her hands off of him. He chuckled and returned to her body, tasting, and giving her as much pleasure as she could take. He loved the way she felt underneath him this time. The way that they worked off of each other, with each other. She kept smiling all the way through, when she screamed his name over and over again, her grin remained.

"Are you awake Griss?"

"No" he mumbled, wrapping his arm tightly around her back. She smiled at the normalcy of the gesture, and how they could do it. She rubbed circles over his shoulder.

"You know how you asked me to stay?"

"Yes" he droned. She kissed his shoulder.

"This, right here, this is mine."

"I don't get it back?"

"Nope, it stays with me"

"**I love you smile at me, I love the way your hands reach out and hold me near....I believe this is heaven to no one else but me."- Sarah McLachlan**

The End


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